By JOHN HILLS

MLB: Mark McGwire- OMG, Mark McGwire was on steroids?? You’re telling me that the enormous man, with muscles the size of trees, who looked like the Incredible Hulk’s long lost brother didn’t look that way because of push-ups and vitamins? Oh come on. This is just about as surprising as Tim Lincecum being caught with marijuana(Just look at him!). McGwire was one of the most obvious steroid users, but he has continuously denied it, until his recent confession. Thanks for finally coming clean Mark. Too bad Jose Canseco did it for you about five years ago. Ouch, so much for looking out for your teammates.
 
UFC: Brock Lesnar- Keeping with the theme of gigantic human beings, here comes Brock Lesnar. For those of you who were fans of the WWE, or still are, you may recognize this name. This is the same freakishly large man who dominated what they call “wrestling”, but is really just a soap opera with a lot of fake fighting. But these days he’s moved on to a REAL sport. He is currently the Heavyweight champion in the Ultimate Fighting Championship and is one of the scariest men to ever fight in the organization. He stands 6′ 3″ and weighs a hefty 265 lbs. I feel sorry for anyone who has to fight this monster and I’m sure the people willing to do so are becoming fewer and fewer. A few words of advice to his next opponent; Bring ice!
 
NFL: Tony Romo-Ahhh it’s that time of year again. Winter is here, NFL playoffs are coming to a close, and we’ve just witnessed another horrible playoff performance by Tony Romo. His latest pitiful showing knocked the Cowboys out of the playoffs once again. The quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys has been one of the best in the NFL since he took over the starting job during the 2006 season. However, when the playoffs roll around, Romo just can’t seem to do anything right. From fumbles to interceptions, not to mention that botched field goal against the Seattle Seahawks back in 2006(that was just pathetic Tony), Romo is simply cursed in the playoffs. But I definitely know one person who is loving Romo’s latest failure: Jessica Simpson. Who’s the jinx now?
 
PGA: Tiger Woods- Oh Tiger. Where do I even begin? Should I start with the bizarre crash he had at 2:30 A.M. on the day after Thanksgiving? Man those fire hydrants and trees just jump right out in front of you don’t they? Or should I start with the over a dozen women who have had alleged affairs with Woods? It seems like he has more women than golf clubs these days. And you can’t forget about Tiger taking an indefinite leave from the PGA Tour. This is definitely bad news for the Tour. With its biggest star out for an undetermined amount of time, their ratings will surely be in the tank. But look on the bright side, some other golfers will finally get the chance to actually win a tournament. Too bad no one will be watching.